thankful

Starting this post is a little hard. I was debating posting about this, because I decided to keep this more or less 'private' up until now. I felt weird about sharing the fact that I was in a car accident. I didn't want to garner sympathy or attention, and I didn't want to seem like I was complaining or oversharing. Social media does that so much, and I try to share very little on there. Which is why I feel a little hypocritical having a blog and sharing it here. Not that I owe an explanation, but I want to share this for the positives, not the shock value or the scary imagery. Because in the end, the positives are what is left out of this post.

All of this happened last Thursday at 6:30 am. My morning routine is pretty standard. Wake up at 5:30 or 5:45, wash face, brush teeth, put on clothes, makeup, lunch, coffee, out the door. Last Thursday was another normal day. I wasn't late, I had a pretty meager packed lunch, and I liked my outfit. It was a warm but clear day, actually a beautiful morning. I was thinking about what I had to do that day. I clearly remember that NPR was doing a story about Donald Trump on the radio.

About 3 minutes into my morning commute, a pickup truck smashed into my car. I didn't even see it coming. My car had spun and lodged into a fence and everything around me was shaken up. I remember screaming, loudly. My seatbelt was on, but I felt like I had been thrashed around. Miraculously, my hands worked. My arms worked. My legs worked. My mind was, albeit hysterical, working. I unbuckled my seatbelt, and walked out. Thinking about it now, I truly believe that this was an honest to God miracle.

I saw the shattered glass all over the road, my car in a heaping mess of twisted metal. Cars around me stopped; I was shaken to the core. A sweet woman whose name I didn't get came over and held my hand. I fumbled for what felt like forever before I dialed the police, then my parents. It truly was an eternity of standstill horror.

But the next thing I knew, my mom and dad were hugging me, and everyone involved was okay.  I know that ride for them felt like an eternity of horror, too. I remember seeing my car, now hanging from the frame and lodged into a chainlink fence all the way up to the windshield. The back doors were bent and useless. The rear of my car, which was where most of the force hit, was literally reduced to pieces of metal hanging off a steel frame. The only comfort was that everyone in the scene seemed to be okay, and I was with those I love the most.

I clung to my mom, and she helped me realize, that this car took all of the damage and I WAS OKAY.   And this was a miracle. It definitely took me a few hours, especially after thinking about it again and again, but I realized that I was so unbelievably lucky to walk away like I did. I was inches away from so much more pain or even death. It was a serious crash, and just thinking about it is really hard for me to do. I know there are so many people out there who have lived through worse, or who know people who didn't make it out. Thinking about it is so haunting, but now I am aware of how truly lucky I am to be typing this right now; in my bed; enjoying the light rain outside; able to look forward to next weekend. I am so lucky to have all of those things I am enjoying right now. Despite the waves of shock and infuriating anger, I have so much to be thankful for. So much learning in this jarring experience.

I chose not to share this with my friends (until now, that is) and still have mixed feelings talking about it. But an entire support system came into place, here. My colleagues, my mom's friends, her colleagues, and family. S came over right away from work to be with me. Flowers have come pouring in. Family friends pitched in and bought us a take-home dinner so we didn't have to cook. I swear, even Scout knows and has been spending more time with me than usual. There have been so many offerings of help.

The world, in a way, is a little more bright and cheerful. I can't find the words to explain how amazed I am at the joy of life, the hidden explanations and "what ifs" and mysteries of luck. I am so thankful for the beauty in these people I love and this town and the world I live in. I am so lucky that this incident is now, really, only just an inconvenience, and not the loss of something more. I am just so eternally and irrevocably thankful and appreciative of this beautiful world. Letting go of the negative, and embracing the happiness and positivity in life, is so so so much better.

ciao, xo

easy acai bowl

The simplicity of this acai bowl makes it THE perfect mid-winter breakfast or snack - I can't wait to share it with you! First, a little rationale behind this post:

I am 'teaming up' with April and Mary, two old blog friends, this February, for a sort of kick-start health initiative. In other words - we are cheering each other on to be healthier. Eating, exercising - and it translates into thinking, I swear! Anyway, with that in mind, I am so excited about this easy acai bowl I whipped up last Sunday. I know I gush a lot on here but this recipe is PERFECT, if you are into smoothies/juicing/overall health foods. It is not only simple but so surprisingly flavorful. So I'm pretty sure this is going to be my breakfast for the next few weeks!

The ingredients (serves 2): 

Prep your ingredients. Once you have your fruits, cut them in fine slices on a cutting board. Some of these will be your garnish. This is close to the exact amount of fruit I used and even had some leftovers. You can also freeze the fruit to make your acai bowl colder or even icier. Luckily, I had some frozen banana in the freezer and it was the perfect touch to the acai mix.

Use one cup of the Sambazon acai mix, add a banana, and 1/2 cup of fruit. I use a NutriBullet but a typical blender is fine - your acai should look dark, rich and thick once it is blended. I love the deep maroon color of the acai - it made me want to use a clear bowl just for the show of it :)

Lastly, add your garnish.

I drizzled a teeeny bit of honey and flax seed (not pictured) on the top for a little extra sweetness. It really makes a minimal difference, so depending on your goals you can substitute whatever you'd like. Some other ideas that I'd like to try in the future: sliced almonds, chai seeds, quinoa, even nibs of chocolate :) 

This is my second ever acai bowl - the first time I ever had one was in California (and it was beautiful!) but I actually think mine was better :) It is just so flavorful, and honestly the only mildly unhealthy thing is the honey. It is the kind of snack that leaves you with a satisfied 'full but light' feeling. I love the possibilities and the combinations you can do. Let me know if you decide to use it and what types of adjustments you make on the recipe :) Hope this little taste of summer brightens your February!

ciao! xo

finding motivation in the cold

Okay - being totally honest - just came back from my first run in over a month and a half. yikes. Of course I've lost the gains and the cold makes it super hard to transition - seeing as the last run outdoors I took, it was probably a perfect 68 degrees. But it actually wasn't as bad as I thought. My time needs a little work but even more so, I desperately need to find ways to get back out there! I find that the cold gear is not only desirable, but necessary - I am wearing two nice layers of cold gear that actually did a great job keeping me warm. I had on a cheap black beanie, leggings and socks (that you'd probably laugh at) and sneaks.

So, for one, the gear itself motivates me - if I am wearing it I really shouldn't have any excuses. Another good thing is to stretch a lot beforehand. And granted, my run was short, but I think it worked!

How do you find motivation to run in the cold? I am annoying even myself with excuses ("it's dark out! it's too cold!").

dear yoga,

source

Since we met in the summer, you are the best thing that has happened to me. I go once a week or so, sometimes alone, sometimes with Mom, sometimes during the week, sometimes on quiet sunday nights to mentally prepare for what is ahead. And every single time, you do no wrong.

You are kind to me. I don't have to worry about what I am good at or what i look like. I do not need to impress anyone. At today's class people were standing on their heads. I kind of stopped what I was doing and watched in awe - but I didn't feel intimidated or jealous or less-worthy of a person because I couldn't do a handstand. The pressure is off. It is a reset. A recharge. I stretch and feel like I am getting longer, taller, stronger. I feel the "earth" under where I sit. It's a lovely feeling to know that the 1hr or so that I am there is all about me. Selfish, maybe. But I can dedicate it to whomever, I can do it all for myself. Up to ME.

It's funny how simple you are: breathe. feel. stretch. hold. breathe. And yet none of us actually think about doing this on a day-to-day basis. We don't play with our pose, we don't fill our lungs with air with the intention of filling ourselves with health and good and light.

do you do yoga? does it work for you? i'm curious!

thanks! ciao, xo 

rupdate (week 12)

running jacket | lululemon

Well, well, well, its been 12 weeks of running. I have never thought I'd mentally be able to stick with something like this. I've never thought I'd find this source of confidence or strength from it. And while I have far to go, I feel very content with my overall gains. Even if right now I am hunched in the middle of a giant plateau called I-work-full-time-and-coach-and-it-gets-darker-earlier-and-I-can't-find-the-time-to-run. I cannot simply find a way to carve out the time.

One day during week 12 I was feeling this odd unusual but fantastic life-high; I had a great day, work went well, I felt good and maybe can attribute some of my mood to a good hair day. It was about 6:00ish pm, already cloudy and getting darker, and I just got out on the track and ran 2.5 miles. I didn't stop ONCE (except to do pushups). What had gotten into me? I don't know. Then, the challenge hits - I don't get out there for three days. I used to do this every. single. day. back in July - and now I am at once every three days. But I am proud - I can probably run a 5k without much worry. Maybe I'll take it to the next level and train for the 10mi broad street run next spring. Who knows. But I am feeling good, proud of the weeks of progress, but still irked by my inability to find consistency.

ps. the new rebel runner jacket i scored last week is my OBSESSION. it makes me feel like Batman when I wear it. the details are insanely cool. see link above for details :)

hello, week thirteen. see you tomorrow.

new skin favorites

Lately I've been feeling very defeated when it comes to skin care and breakouts.

I am sooooo done with my skin! My breakouts have seemed to worsen,

and now I pay more attention to them now that being back at work

means that I spend time in the morning in front of the makeup mirror.

So last week, in my defeatist state, I marched to the Chanel counter at Macy's

and said, "I need lipstick." You know, a little pick me up.

My best friend bought herself a goooorgeous wine color shade from Chanel,

and it looks so good on her, so I was inspired to try it out and see what worked.

It ended in a whole makeover. I was happy.

Then, in a makeup-induced ecstasy, I bopped over to Sephora.

More damage done. She did another makeover.

I found products that actually work with the goals I have for reducing my breakouts,

and makeup that makes them look like history.

So far, so good.

I thought I'd share some of my finds with you - because splurge or not, they are seriously awesome.

(sorry for the poor quality photos).

I've been experimenting more and more and so far have really liked this process of seeing what works,

and what doesn't.

One kind of out-there beauty boost I've been having fun with is false eyelashes.

Not many - like one or two individuals on each eye - and I feel that more dramatic!

Paired with the berry lip, a dash of blush...and I feel very very made up indeed.

ciao! xo!

week 9 rupdate

Helloooo, week 9! Excited to tackle you and maybe make a little gains here.

Week 8 was my first week of school - the moment of truth. Will I stick with it? Will I completely blow it off? Well, I did it. I was true to me, did what I needed to do, took it easy some days and pounded out others. I went to yoga. I heard the instructor use the phrase "honor your body." And that's my mantra right now. Doing what feels right, doing what's good for you, treating yourself with kindness rather than "suck it up! don't bitch out! go, go, GO!" if positivity works outwardly with other people, it must work inwardly, too.

Truth: I didn't run two days this week. Wednesday I had an unbelievably crazy schedule and Friday I had the intention to, but literally came home and fell asleep until 8pm (I don't want to run alone in the dark). wooooops. But it is okay. I am not going to curse myself out for missing two days, because the other days I really did try. When I know I can't run one day, I run more the day before. I don't tack on 5 more miles, just a few more yards.

Which might explain why my progress has sort of plateaued. I am at the point where 2.5 miles is my go-to, my "norm." I think 3 is a goal, but it feels so far away. MapMyRun's app is really helping me to record my miles, and I use it to count down those yards. I am noticing and learning things about myself, how I work, and one thing that I absolutely can't overcome (yet) is running through humidity. It's like I shut down, mentally. I haven't pushed myself through the humidity because it is so uncomfortable and I'd rather just do a brisk walk. So, that's another thing I guess I've got to work on.

ciao! xo

rupdate (i think i just created a new word)

via

What a week of ups and downs! And some realizations. Get ready for a big rupdate, people (running update).

This was me Monday: I had just finished a run, and felt super disappointed. It was 86 degrees out, hot and sticky and awfully muggy. Week 7 since I have started. And I couldn't even do a mile. I quit shortly, and this is what bugs me the most. I chose to quit!

So the rest of the week I vowed to just do it. And I was out there, doing it, feeling much better. This week (7) has been SO different because I have started work, and it's just a taste of what a challenge it will be when it comes to balancing out my work responsibilities and personal health goals. I am going to start small and really strive to devote 20-25 minutes of straight cardio running on the daily.

Another big and powerful new addition to my week: YOGA. Holy. om. shanti. This has been amazing; I am so glad I started, and wish I began sooner. Already I have done three sessions this week, and it is such a good complement to everything with work and my yo-yo progress with running. I feel stronger. I breathe. I am noticing good changes in strength and balance. Plus it gave me an excuse to buy lululemon pants (they were on clearance but it still hurt to purchase them).

so, there! your weekly rupdate.
week 8 begins sunday. get it, get it!

ciao, xo

week 5 (and 6?) update

(and boy does my hair need a touchup! yikes) // tank and shorts nike

I lost track of time! I can't believe I just started week 6!

I am procrastinating on my morning run as I write this...

don't worry, I'll get out there. tee hee

Week 5 was definitely my "ah, I'll go easy on myself" week.

Which I kind of feel majorly  guilty about.

I was in California, taking breaks, also procrastinating,

and I may have lost some gains that I made in weeks 3-4.

So this week - week 6 - I am going to try to get it back to what it was.

I am not measuring how long I run, in terms of minutes.

I don't measure heart rate. Or calories burned.

I only measure miles.

I don't want to complicate things...

because I just want to say I got out there and did it.

a ha's: running alongside the Pacific was pretty awesome.

and i get more out of my workout in the morning.

still motivated to eat a bit healthier - new favorite: acai bowls!

backless tanks like the one above are my favorite for beating the heat.

(re: see my post on bright colored workout gear and the psychology behind it)

hates: Running in the California sun, and because I procrastinate,

and mmmman does it get sunny and hot out there during the day.

okay. going to grab my sneakers.

ciao! xo

update

Week three is down!! I began running three weeks ago and while I don't want to use this as a platform to solely discuss exercise accomplishments or talk about how proud of myself I am - I have never ever stuck with anything this long before! So I feel like I need to talk about this somewhere.

This past week I definitely had my moments where I felt like I hit a brick wall. I tended to dawdle before my runs, wasting time and dreading them. I have never loved running - just the immediate feeling after and the results that I am starting to see. Subtle changes, to me, and indiscernible to others. That's why I decided to stick with this. Also, so I can eat pasta. :)

There are moments I hate it, especially in the humidity, when I feel like my legs are going to give out and my lungs are bursting. I am finding that the weather (especially the darn humidity) plays a large role in my "performance," so ideally a better time for me to run would be in the early AM when its still a little cool and dewy out. I'm looking forward to keeping up with it in the fall, when the air will be crisp and the leaves will be just another beautiful distraction.

A-ha's: It's simple - this entire thing is mind over matter. My best friend is training for a marathon right now, so if she can train every day on that intense level, I can do 2 miles. It's doable.

Worries: I am still relying on 'little breaks' from time to time! Especially on my longer routes, I think I mentally block myself and settle to take a teensy weeny walking break. I've done it a few times this week. I don't stop moving, but I'd like to continue accomplishing more nonstop runs without stopping for a breather. Sometimes it's harder to start back up again after a little break!

read last week's update if you want to catch up. :)

ciao, xo

health kick update

blue tank GAP | running shorts  GAP | sports bras GAP (old) | sneakers Nike Free 5.0 | red tank Nike

I checked in last week about some small victories with my eating clean + daily cardio workouts. Just as last time, the resounding conclusion I've made is that each time I exercise, I feel so much better. By the time I am all cooled down and feeling accomplished, I vow to myself that I've gotta do it again tomorrow. And now, it's been two weeks straight without much temptation to break the habit. They say it takes three weeks to really get into a new habit, so this week will be the week. One unlikely (or not) motivation I am finding is the workout gear itself.

There must be a study out there somewhere that is looking into the correlation between "bright colored workout gear" and "motivation to work out." I swear there is a link because it definitely keeps me going. I am finding that my go-to favorite for good quality and great price is GAP, whose styles even rival some of the other items on my wish list from lululemon or nike. The thing is, when I am shopping for these kinds of clothes, I tell myself that I HAVE to work out if I buy it. It is an absolute must. No workout, no new clothes. And it has to be a good workout. Gross and sweaty and well-deserved. This ongoing inner dialogue seems to be working.

A-ha's: I have this little route I do that I never could have done before. I've not quite mastered it, but the other day I went non-stop and felt SO good about it. Each day, adding a little more. The confidence I am feeling is one of the best rewards. I'm also pretty sure that I run better in the early AM, but lately rising that early is becoming a harder thing to do!

Worries: My schedule is inevitably going to change with the school year approaching and I am dreeeeading that. I refuse to lose the hard work that I've put in over the past couple of weeks because it slowly builds, but I know me, and I know that after a 9 hr workday the last thing I am going to want to do is go and run.

ciao! xo

achievements + eating cleaner

Happy Monday! I am feeling SO good lately. All of it is mostly due to an almost unnaturally consistent workout/cleanse I've been kind of sort of doing. Over the last week, I magically gained some miraculous ability to practice hardcore discipline and self-control: I've ran and actually pushed myself every day of the week, and since I did that and felt so good about it, eating healthier and cleaner kind of came naturally. I don't know what has come over me, or who knocked some sense into my head, because I was never this motivated. But I am loving it. This week will be a little harder, because the temps are going to soar and I am sure running will be brutal; on top of GRE practice, this is the week to see if I really have the discipline. 

I keep in mind a little axiom that haunts me whenever I open the pantry doors: getting in shape is 20% exercise and 70% what you eat. Hmmmpf. While Doritos would be an excellent, almost barbaric gratification after a hard exercise, I have learned to restrain. Why undo all of that misery hard work? So, I made myself a salad. My little indulgence is the pecorino cheese. That in and of itself is the most precious reward. If you have never tried it, stop right now, book a trip to Florence. Sign yourself up for a wine/cheese tasting in the ancient hills of Montepulciano. The spicy sharp fresh pecorino cheese - oh my word. Fireworks, jubilation, ecstasy. 

Ok...back to what I was talking about...the salad!

Ingredients:

- baby kale mix

- grilled chicken (seasoned with sea salt, pepper)

- sliced almonds

- grated pecorino cheese

- raspberry vinaigrette dressing 

If you really want to be clean, you might choose to opt out of the dressing. In retrospect, I may switch out the raspberry vinaigrette for a poppyseed dressing or even some classic balsamic. The sweet flavors do a nice job of balancing the bitter kale.

Happy clean eating, and enjoy your week!

ciao, xo

water resolution

source

I promised myself I wouldn't type this post until I had a tall glass of water in front of me.

Ok, there, good.

- - -

I am forcing myself to drink more water. Usually I drink less than 24 oz/day, and that is not good.

I know from past experience that it brightens and clears my skin...and I could use a bit of that right now.

I have been feeling stressed and my skin is paying the price for it, I am convinced...

I remember when I was in college, I had a huge camelbak water bottle that I filled up multiple times a day. 

My skin was never clearer. I was in a routine, it kept me feeling full but not bloated, it was a-ok.

It's like a magical elixir. Why have I been not drinking enough!?

SO, new resolution: less coffee, more water. I want to start my day every day with a huge, tall glass.

S told me that cold glass of water first thing in the morning kick-starts the metabolism.

For some reason, that seems to make total sense in my book! 

So I have no idea if my little theories on water work - but they work for me.

cheers!

ciao, xo